Disclaimer/warnings/etc: This is my first MiSTing, and in my opinion, it's not all that, well, true to the show. I've only been able to watch MST3K sporadically over the past few years. Not to mention that I put this MiSTing away for several months because of other stuff. So please keep that in mind if you are ever in the process of flaming me for this. There is no "intermission" skit because the opening and closing action are a *lot* longer than most. I just didn't feel like cutting stuff out. This is 8th season, before "Prince of Space." If you're like me and bother to give things you post a rating--I'd guess a PG-13 at least, just for the content of the spam. It's probably worse if you take into consideration what my perverted mind added. Thanks to Adam Roberts and August for assuring me that my riffs made sense. :) Oh, yeah: the pledge joke near the end is a pot shot at my school's Honor Pledge that we have to put on all our assignments. Yes, I know it's a private joke, but I couldn't resist. ********************* [Season 8 intro] [Insert 'got milk?' commercials] [SOL. Crow is alone on deck, spreading out a net and checking a manual. Mike enters.] MIKE: Hi, this is Mike Nelson on the Satellite of-- (Sees Crow) Oh. Hey, Crow. What are you up to? CROW: Uh, well...I think I figured out the solution to our food problems! MIKE: (skeptical) Like what? CROW: Well, we're always stopping when we run out of food rations. But with this manual on wilderness survival, we can be free to catch our own game and take off! MIKE: This is a satellite, not a wilderness. There are no wild animals. You'll be lucky if you catch a bug with that trap. CROW: Ha! Shows how much you know, Nelson! Just this morning I caught something BIG in my sticky trap by the galley! MIKE: Uh-oh. Can you show me this trap? CROW: Sure, why not? [Mike and Crow exit. A moment later, Tom enters.] TOM: Crow? Mike? Anyone here? Gypsy's missing! Hellooooo!!! CROW: (offstage) Hey, the trap's gone! What happened? TOM: Ah-ha! Stay right there, guys, I'm coming! [He starts toward the sound, not noticing the net. As he crosses it, there is a snap, and the net whisks him into the air just as Mike and Crow enter.] TOM: (swinging by) Yeeeaaahhh! CROW: See, I told you I'd catch a wild animal. MIKE: That's no animal! (Tom swings by again, Mike trying to catch him.) Tom, are you okay? TOM: I'm getting dizzy!! [Mike makes a few more tries to catch Tom as he swings by, with no success. Crow leans back and forth, mimicking Tom's swings.] CROW: Go, Tarzan! TOM: (swinging by) Crow, I'm going to hurt yooouuu! (clanging sound) Owwww....that's going to leave a mark..... [Commercial sign flashes] MIKE: We'll be right back. [Insert Tidy Cat commercial here] [SOL. Mike is trying to cut Tom down from a stepladder.] CROW: You know, Mike, you really don't have to do this. I always thought we needed a ceiling decoration in here. And he hangs quite nicely. TOM: When I get down, Crow, I'll hang you.... [Mads light flashes.] MIKE: Knock it off, guys. Wakko, Yakko, and Dot are calling. (Presses button) Yeah, yeah, what do you want *now?* [Cut to Widowmaker. Bobo's hairy feet are sticking up from the backseat, a fact that Pearl and the Observer are trying very hard to ignore.] PEARL: To take over the world, moron! Figure it out! Anyway, Brainiac here needs to have his synapses checked or whatever, and Bobo's fleas have even been getting on my nerves.... OBSERVER: (grimacing at whatever Bobo is doing off-camera) For goodness' sakes, you disgusting simian, haven't you reached that place yet? BOBO: Owowowowow! PEARL: Guess not. So now I have to take a trip to this brain specialist who's all the way on the other side of this stupid asteroid belt, and then Bobo's going to the...ummm....V-E-T. OBSERVER: And I hope he stays there. [SOL. Tom and Crow stop fighting, confused.] CROW: What's a Vee Eee Tee? Spell it out for us! TOM: Oh, I get it! She spelled "Vet!" [Widowmaker] BOBO: (jumping back into view) What?? Did he say "Vet?" WHAT??? PEARL: Uh-oh... [SOL. Mike climbs down a second, and we see the bots reacting to shrieks, shouts, and crashing on the other end.] [Cut back to Widowmaker. Bobo is out cold, sprawled half out of the seat. Pearl and the Observer are a mess. The Observer is holding his brain pan high.] PEARL: Thank you. It's nice to know that's good for something. OBSERVER: How odd. My headache's gone. PEARL: What? Oh, crap! Hang on! Get out of my way! Stupid Sunday drivers! (steers wildly to the left) Wonderful! Well, thank you very much, Nelson. I missed my exit, so that means another hour with these two bozos. (evil grin) Just for that, I think I'm going to send you a little something I picked up off the Net a while back. OBSERVER: You were going to do that anyway. PEARL: Now I have an excuse. [SOL. Mike is up on the ladder, looking busy.] CROW: What? Ummm... No, no, you shouldn't miss an appointment just on our account. Just go on ahead and we'll see you later....hehehe... TOM: Oh, like *that's* going to work. CROW: Shut up! [Widowmaker] PEARL: Nice try. But it just so happens that I rigged this nice little probe to send you the signal while I try to beat rush hour. It's an interesting bit of spam about the chemical secrets to female attraction, at a low price. Happy reading, boys! (cuts connection) [SOL] CROW: Ya know--maybe the bear trap wasn't such a good idea after all. TOM: No, really? (beat) Now GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!!!! [Lights flash and sirens go off. The string breaks, Tom falls straight down, and is just caught by Mike.] ALL: Aaaahh! We got Net-spam sign! 6.....5.....4.....3.....2.....1..... [Mike and bots enter theater] TOM: On second thought, I was starting to enjoy the sensation of hanging upside down for an indeterminate amount of time. CROW: If I have to suffer, Tarzan, so do you. > Subject: Learn the SECRET to Attract Women Easily TOM: Well, you get a really big piece of flypaper, and..... MIKE: Uh, Tom, that's not gonna work. CROW: Of course not! You have to use duct tape! MIKE: What? CROW: Hehehe....never mind.... > From: Want More Dates??? CROW: After Tracy killed grona, she looked for other dates. > Date: 1997/08/03 > Message-Id: <5s1ij2$2e1@chronicle.concentric.net> > Newsgroups: alt.fan.disney.gargoyles TOM: Gargoyles? CROW: Maybe Tracy knows something we don't. > [More Headers] > > Learn the SECRET to Attract Women Easily > CROW: A new BMW? MIKE: A bad pickup line? TOM: Nice shoes? MIKE: Blackmail? CROW: A really long-- MIKE: Crow!! CROW: What? > The SCENT(tm) Pheromone Sex Attractant For Men to Attract Women > > THE SCENT(tm) > MIKE: Is there an echo in here? TOM: Is there an echo in here? CROW: Is there an echo in here? > PHEROMONE SEX ATTRACTANT FOR MEN > THE COLOGNE FOR THE 90'S MAN MIKE: So the 80's and 70's men are out of luck. > AVAILABLE IN THE U.S. AND PERFECTLY LEGAL > ATTRACT WOMEN INSTANTLY > > with Nature's secret weapon.... CROW: Hey, Mike, you think there's a hidden message from Pearl here? I don't think the monkey-boy and the canned brain are all that-- MIKE: Say it, Crow, you die. > PHEROMONES... TOM: I'm already moaning in agony, thank you. > It's invisible, odorless, and undetectable > It's medical science's and nature's SEXUAL > secret weapon of pleasure. CROW: Gee, no wonder so many women go for biologists. TOM: Mother always did say I should have gone to med school... > > This is a perfectly legal sexual stimulant > cleverly masked in a men's cologne that when > unknowingly inhaled by any adult woman MIKE: And when knowingly inhaled, she turns into a pumpkin. > unblocks CROW: ...your plumbing? > all restraints and fires up the raw animal MIKE: (in Japanese-dubbing impression) Ahhh. Sushi. > sex drive > in every woman > > Worth Reading!! ALL: No it isn't!! TOM: How do you read a scent anyway? > > For over 20 years, men in Europe have been using sexual attractants > laced with pheromones. TOM: And women in Europe have been using pepper spray when they come to their senses. > Only recently have they been available and legal in > the U.S. MIKE: Bill Clinton got tired of buying through the black market. > Pheromones are a chemical sex signal that all insects and animals, > including humans, CROW: Including? Humans are animals? MIKE: Well, technically, yeah. TOM: And technically, tomatoes are fruit, too. CROW: Gaaahhh! (goes into twitching state of shock) > secrete to attract the opposite sex. Most sexual behavior > of insects and animals is controlled by pheromones. They are nature's > chemical sex signal to attract the opposite sex. Now, you can have the > sexual secret of European men. CROW: (still twitching) Gaaahhh!! (Mike whacks him across the sensor net) TOM: That almost makes it worth it. > A chemical sex signal scent of pheromones in a bottle > called THE SCENT(tm) TOM: What creativity! No wonder they had to slap on a fake trademark! > > For years farmers have been using pheromones to induce female herds > of bulls and cows to breed. CROW: How do they get female herds to breed?? ALL: Ewwwww! > By simply spraying the male animal version > of the pheromones on the male herd, the females would almost instantly > assume the mating position. MIKE: I'll remember that the next time I see a bunch of cows. TOM and CROW: MOOOOOOOOOOOO! > > When you wear THE SCENT(tm) CROW: ....you will have the sudden urge to beat up Net morons who gyp you out of $19.95. > women will become instantly sexually attracted to you. It will arouse > the female sex glands, heighten her sensual responses to a feverish pitch > and awaken her appetite for sex, the same as the smell of food awakens > hunger. ALL: (as Homer Simpson) Mmmm.....pheromones.... > > The production of male pheromones peaks in your teens TOM: That's not all that peaks in your jeans. MIKE: Crow!! CROW: Huh?? MIKE: Habit. Sorry. > and steadily declines > with age. The younger you are, the stronger your scent and the more she > is aroused. THE SCENT(tm)Cologne gives you a stronger Pheromonal > scent than can be achieved by any man, NATURALLY! MIKE: Last I checked, "naturally" means it doesn't come out of a bottle. CROW: And how many "natural blondes" do you know, Nelson? > > > The Scientific Facts TOM: ....as opposed to the Totally-Unfounded-Illogical-Drug-Induced Hallucinations of Mental Cases. MIKE: Stretching a little, aren't you? > > Researchers have proven male human pheromones trigger a SUBCONSCIOUS > biological sexual response in women. Women are not conscious of the smell > of the pheromones, MIKE: They're too busy gagging at the stench of the cologne. > but subconsciously, pheromones communicate sexual > attraction(ATTRACT WOMEN) CROW: Was that supposed to be a subliminal message? TOM: (muttering)...attract women attract women...(Crow whacks him) Ow! Ahemm. Pretty lousy, huh? > Pheromones are secreted by the perspiration > glands when we sweat and, as you know, smell unpleasant. MIKE: Wait a minute--didn't he say "odorless?" CROW: Don't try to make sense of it, Mike, it's too hard. TOM: Repeat the mantra: "This is spam, it makes no sense....this is spam, it makes no sense..." > The Vemeronasal Organ > (VNO) MIKE: VNO? CROW: Violent Nostril Organization? TOM: Violet Not Orange? CROW: Vacant Nasty Ocarinas? TOM: Veronica Never Ogled? CROW: Vibrant Night Oxygen? TOM: Violins Next Out? MIKE: Uh, guys.... TOM: Oh, be quiet, Nelson, we're rolling. > in our noses is the distinct Sensory apparatus that detects > pheromones. ALL(disappointed): Awwwww.... CROW: I personally prefer the Violent Nostril Organization, myself. > Now you can buy male pheromones to attract women, masked in a pleasant > smelling cologne designed to evoke positive (VNO) TOM: Vary New Operators! CROW: Votes Not Optional! > responses of sexual > attraction. CROW: You know it's working when you come home and find your pet rabbit on the stove. > > Our scientists have isolated these human pheromones and have bottled > them in a 1 oz men's cologne called THE SCENT(tm). > Every time you wear THE SCENT(tm), > it will send out a natural chemical signal of sex to women that will compel > them towards you, make you irresistible to them and they will not > know why. MIKE: Coincidentally enough, a few dozen drinks tend to have a similar effect. > > THE SCENT(tm), a human > pheromone cologne for men to attract women, will get you more SEX, CROW: (as Pee-Wee Herman) Today, kids, the secret word is SEX. Do you know what we all do when we read that word? CROW & TOM: Aaaaahhhhhh!!! MIKE: God, I'm glad *that* show's cancelled. > more attention and more women than you could possibly handle. TOM: So much, in fact, that you will go insane and spend the rest of your life posting pointless spam to the Internet. CROW: So who needs sanity? > > Validated by Medical Journals and the Media Alike > MIKE: The media?? Well, there go all *my* doubts. > The power of pheromones has been featured on Hardcopy, 20/20, Dateline, TOM: The FBI is still searching for the freaks behind their use. MIKE: If you have any information as to the culprit's whereabouts, please dial our toll-free number. > and in articles in Penthouse, Playboy, Chic, Swank, Vogue, Omni, Discovery > and numerous medical journals, CROW: Penthouse and Playboy: the man's medical journals of choice. > television shows and newspapers from the > N.Y. Times to the L.A. Times. > > In one scientific study pheromones were put through an 8 week double > blind placebo controlled scientific study. The results were incredible. TOM: Double blind pheromones controlled by placebos, on the next Geraldo. > Single men who were using the actual pheromones reported more looks from > women, more romantic attention from women and more SEX. MIKE: All the shmucks who got the fake pheromones ended up with more LAWSUITS. TOM & CROW: Aaaaaahhhh!! > Married > men who were also using the product around their wives reported more > weekly SEX. TOM & CROW: Aaaaaahhhh!! MIKE: Knock it off, you two, this is depressing enough. CROW: Well, you know what I said about Pearl.... MIKE: Not *that* depressing! > One married gentleman stated she went from never being > in the mood to being in the mood almost every night! TOM: A married gentleman who refers to himself as "she." Hmmm..... CROW: Well, it doesn't say they all used it around their wives. > > Makes women go from NO NO NO to YES YES YES ... PLEASE CROW: Is this spam *still* going? ALL: NO NO NO ... PLEASE!!!!! > > Each bottle of THE SCENT(tm) > contains a powerful DOUBLE STRENGTH pheromone called Androstenone > and is masked in a subtle men's cologne... Because it is not an internal > aphrodisiac, it is perfectly safe and legal. TOM: But even though it's perfectly legal, it must be masked. CROW: S-s-s-somebody stop me! > Just use THE SCENT(tm) > like you would any other cologne and watch the fireworks. MIKE: Did we mention that pheromones are flammable? > > It doesn't matter what you look like. If you use THE SCENT(tm) > all women will find you sexually attractive. CROW: ....when you spray it in their eyes. > You will have more eye > contact, more conversations, more dates, and more SEX TOM & CROW: Aaaaaahhhh!! > with women than you > ever thought you could. TOM: It might have something to do with the fact that you actually go out and talk to real people instead of being glued to the computer. > Where ever you sit women will gather around you > like magnets. MIKE: Could it be the amount of metal in your pockets? CROW: Ka-ching! > When women smell the pheromones in THE SCENT(tm) > they will become instantly attracted to you. > ALL: (Minnesota accent) Yah. Suure. Uh-uh. Yah. > Not only will this natural aphrodisiac attract more women, but it has > been shown in scientific studies when women were exposed to the male human > pheromone Androstenone during sexual intercourse, women reported having > better, stronger more frequent orgasms during sex easily. CROW: Whoa! What scientists did these studies? > THE SCENT(tm) > attracts and arouses women on a primordial level MIKE: Like the primordial slime this post crawled from? > (animal subconscious). ALL: MOOOOOOOOOO!! > > This is not Spanish Fly - A Testimony > TOM: First cows, then flies. Is that symbolic or does Tracy just have a thing for animals? > Spanish Fly couldn't compete. I was a skeptic in 1988 when I bought > my first bottle, but my social life changed drastically. CROW: You were finally revealed as the shmuck you really are. TOM: Shmuck! Shmuck! Shmuck! ....Hey, that's fun to say. > I was getting > more dates, more looks and more SEX TOM & CROW: Aaaaaahhhh!! > than ever before. This product > really works. It made me a believer. CROW: (falsetto) "Ooh, I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried.." > I was so convinced that pheromones > had true scientific value, could really attract women, I started my own > company with pheromones as my main product. TOM: For some reason, the heroin business was too much trouble. > I am so convinced you will > see the difference, MIKE: ...because the Psychic Friends Network told me to. > that if you're not completely satisfied with your > purchase, return the unused portion and I will refund you money. > > Androstenone is the only known true Male Human Pheromone CROW: All the others have been proven to be frauds. > tested showing positive VNO TOM: Valerie's Nasal Oboe! CROW: Virulent Noncommittal Octopus! > response in women. and proven time and time > again to attract women > MIKE: Yet it does nothing for grammar. > I am offering THE SCENT(tm) > pheromone cologne at a very reasonable price... not $99 like one of my > competitors or $30 as featured on the Internet, Penthouse and other > magazines, but for only $19.95. CROW: I knew it!!! MIKE: Only 19.95; the trademark price of useless ripoffs. > Free copy of How to Seduce Girls > with every order. > ALL: [laughing] > Also available, Melt Down Massage Oil with Pheromones. Turn an > innocent massage into a night of passion and put her right in the > mood. CROW: To throw you out the window? > > YOU WILL MEET MORE WOMEN, YOU WILL HAVE MORE SEX, TOM & CROW: Aaaaaahhhh!! > THE > SCENT(tm)WILL GET YOU THROUGH THE DOOR > TOM: ....of a mental institution. CROW: Mooommm, I forgot my key! > > Larry Tang CROW: Hey, what happened to Tracy? > Owner, Tang & Company Inc. > Creator of THE SCENT(tm) > and other Fine Pheromone Products MIKE: Hey, it's the guy behind the powdered orange drink! TOM: I knew there was something hidden in that stuff.... > > > > C O N F I D E N T I A L I T Y Note: > MIKE: S P E L L I N G Note: No matter how far you space your letters, you can't make me care. > We do not sell our database of Pheromone purchasers to any other company, > all of our order processing is done by our company alone, and orders are > sent in plain, nondescript packaging. CROW: Coincidentally enough, a guy called the Unabomber used the same courtesy for his customers. > The confidentiality of our customers > is maintained above all. > MIKE: So if someone finds out, we don't have to pay your therapy bills later. > > To order the " The Scent Pheromone Sex Attractant" > please fill out the following form and mail it to the address > below.(Feel free to write out the order form by hand, TOM: ...as opposed to writing it with your foot. > All funds must equal US dollars. CROW: So trying to barter with cattle isn't a good idea. > > OVERSEAS ORDERS WELCOME BUT MUST PAY WITH US CASH > INTERNATIONAL MONEY ORDER OR TRAVELLERS CHECK > > ALL ORDERS MUST INCLUDE $3.95 Shipping & Handling > > I am enclosing (Please indicate) > CASH CHECK MONEY ORDER > > Name__________________________________________ > CROW: Hugh Jass! TOM: Amanda Hugankiss! CROW: Jacques Strap! TOM: Al Kaholic! CROW: Ivana Tinkle! TOM: Not in here, you don't! > Address________________________________________ > > City_____________________________State__________ MIKE: A state of total insanity if you actually buy this. > Zip Code_____________ > > Country_____________________ > > Email Address_________________________Phone#________________________ TOM: How about 1-800-DIE-SPAM? > > PLEASE SELECT THE ITEMS YOU WANT > > a) THE SCENT(tm) Pheromone Cologne > for Men > > 1 bottle of THE SCENT(tm)..........................$19.95 > CROW: See?? 19.95! It's a conspiracy! MIKE: Knock it off, Crow. > 2 bottles of THE SCENT(tm).........................$35.00 > > 3 bottles of THE SCENT(tm).........................$49.95 > > > Additional Pheromone Products Available > MIKE: No thanks! > b) Meltdown Massage Oil with Pheromones will light her fire TOM: So will the right sort of chili, but we'd advise against that. > > 1 oz bottle of Meltdown Massage Oil with Pheromones..............$7.95 CROW: I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die...(Mike clamps a hand over his beak) > > 4 oz bottle of Meltdown Massage Oil with Pheromones..............$14.95 > > ALLOW 7 to 10 DAYS FOR DELIVERY > > MAKE ALL PAYMENTS TO Tang & Company Inc. MIKE: You have to MAKE them; unoriginal payments will be unacceptable. TOM: I pledge that I have neither given nor received unauthorized crack money in this payment! > Mail to: > Tang & Company Inc. CROW: Gaaahhh! > 1970 E. Osceola Pkwy > STE# 242 > Kissimmee Fl. 34743 MIKE: Let's go, guys. *sigh* (Mike picks up Servo and they exit theater, Crow trudging behind) 1.....2.....3.....4.....5.....6 [Insert Rolaids commercial] [SOL. Mike enters, pushing a cardboard box full of metal parts, Tom following.] MIKE: I think that's all of them. At least, I hope so. TOM: I *really* didn't enjoy hanging upside down. MIKE: Just to be safe, is Crow coherent yet? He might have some traps I didn't take apart. TOM: Nope. Still as catatonic as David Caruso's movie career. MIKE: No change? TOM: He started muttering "Tang" over and over, but that was it, so I left him in his room with some other junk Pearl sent over. MIKE: What other junk? [Red warning light] MIKE: Never mind. We've got a transmission from another piece of junk. (Pushes button) Sooo.....how was your trip? [Widowmaker. Bobo is sleeping, and now the Observer is digging around in the back seat.] PEARL: An extra hour in traffic? Be glad I couldn't get my hands on the next Ratliff fic. (stops and turns to Observer) What is so important that you have to dig through trash while I'm SPEAKING? OBSERVER: Ah, oh, well, I was just looking for the accompanying text to our last transfer. I don't know if I brought it over, and I think I'd like to look at it. PEARL: What text? (stops and laughs) THAT book? Are you kidding me? [SOL] MIKE and TOM: What book?? [Crow enters, dressed in a purple smoking jacket, humming to himself.] CROW: Good evening, gentlemen. MIKE: Crow....you okay? CROW: Never better! (pauses) Why do you ask? TOM: Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe it's because a few minutes ago, I left you standing in your room muttering about Tang, and now you're out here in a jacket you must have ripped off Pauly Shore. What do you think? MIKE: Yeah, what is with that getup? CROW: This book, gentlemen, just saved my life. [Holds up copy of _How to Seduce Girls._ Mike and Tom groan.] [Widowmaker] PEARL: (Still snickering) You didn't actually intend to use that, did you? OBSERVER: Of course not. I merely wanted an objective viewpoint into the thoughts of humans who post such trash. Besides, where could I find someone suitable to test its methods on? PEARL: Oh, I see. (double take) Hey!!! [SOL. Crow pulls out a bottle and starts spritzing himself.] TOM: That had better not be what I think it is. CROW: I doubt it. But when Gypsy gets a whiff of this, she'll be alll over me! TOM: (takes a sniff) Hey, that's the motor oil you left out! CROW: You're just jealous because you don't have any. MIKE: I'm going to take Crow off instructional books for a while. (To Cambot) Hey, guys? Can you knock it off for a second? [Widowmaker] PEARL: What do you mean, 'someone suitable'? Am I too much for you? Huh? OBSERVER: (looking uncomfortable) No, er, ah.....I was speaking in terms of cranial capacity--No, wait, I didn't mean it that way-- PEARL: After all the work I've done for you! I help schedule your doctor's appointments, ferry you all over this sector of the galaxy--I'm a literal taxi service, and all you can say is I don't have enough CRANIAL CAPACITY?? OBSERVER: No, well, the problem is me really. I....ah....don't think I'm going there. PEARL: No, let's! BOBO: (mumbling) But Mommy, I don't wanna take a bath..... BOTH: Shut up!! [End transmission] [Insert recording of "Chia Pet" commercial] [SOL] TOM: I still say you're a moron. Where is Gypsy? CROW: Probably harkening to the scent of my cologne. MIKE: I've checked everywhere, guys. I can't find her. [Ripping noise and a shriek. Mike and the 'bots look up in time to see Gypsy fall from a chute, half-tangled in flypaper, landing right on top of Tom.] MIKE: Tom? Gypsy? Are you all right? TOM: (weakly) Oh, yeah....just fine.... Uh, Gypsy, would you mind getting off? (Tom and Gypsy pop back into view) Thanks. You okay, Gypsy? GYPSY: Oh, Tom! I almost drowned in the laundry chute! You saved me! MIKE: That's where I forgot to check! CROW: Well, my love, you're safe with me now. GYPSY: What's that smell? TOM: I'm guessing WD-40. (Crow chucks book at him and misses.) So, you're sure you're okay. MIKE: Uh, guys? GYPSY: I'm fine--thanks to you! My hero! How can I ever repay you? CROW: Huh?? MIKE: Guys? TOM: Well....maybe we could take a little walk and I might think of *something* or other. Shall we? GYPSY: Of course! (They exit.) CROW: No! Wait! Stop in the name of love! [He starts to follow, but Mike grabs him by the collar of the jacket.] MIKE: Forget it, Romeo. We still have some *traps* to find. CROW: (as Mike drags him off) Noooo!! It's not fair! I read the book, I planned it all, and she walks off with Servo! MIKE: And while we're at it, you can tell me what you did with all the Tang in the galley. CROW: Oh, my love, I--(double take) Tang? What?? [Exit. A pause, and then several boxes of Tang go speeding through the air after them.] CROW: They've come for me!! AAGGGHHH!!! [Fade to credits as Mike and Crow scream.] ******************* Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations are trademarks of and © Best Brains, Inc. All rights reserved. Use of copyrighted and trademarked material and characters is for entertainment purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or trademarks held by others is intended or should be inferred. ******************* > Free copy of How to Seduce Girls > with every order.