Episode 8: "Pulp Turkey"

Written by: Ted Humphrey
Directed by: Harry Winer
Episode Number: 108
Original Broadcast Date: November 19, 1999
Guest Stars: Brian Tarantina (Tommy Madden), Erik LaRay Harvey (Cyrus Jones), Mark Margolis (Nicky Vordogov), Ronald Guttman (Curator), Albert Makhtsier (Diplomat), Edward Furs (Interpreter)

Lisa: Fine, darling, it was just an idea. (sighs) Never let it be said I denied you a smell.
(158 KB)

Dr. Morris: I'll be spending the day having dinner at the home of my sister.
Michael: You have a sister?
Dr. Morris: Yes. Incredible, isn't it?
(186 KB)

Dr. Morris: Oh, yes. If you sass my Grandma Pearl tomorrow I will personally open up the stitches in the back of your skull and pull whatever's left of your personality out. Do you understand me?
Michael: I'll make you proud, Doc.
(348 KB)

Dr. Morris: Next to you, this car is probably the most precious possession I have. I can't abandon it, I can't let you hurt it. I'm sorry, this car means everything to me.
Michael: Have any idea how pathetic that sounds?
Dr. Morris: Some.
(366 KB)

Michael: What are you trying to say?
Dr. Morris: No turkey, no stuffing, no pie. No nooky. Happy Thanksgiving.
(277 KB)

Dr. Morris: He's on a strict diet.
Heather: I don't see why.
Michael: Neither do I.
(89 KB)

Roger: Look, before you let yourselves in for even more trouble than you've already bargained for, it might interest you to learn that these two, uh...
(Morris hits him)
Roger: Ow!
Dr. Morris: The man said open the damn case and give him what's inside.
Roger: Ow!
Dr. Morris: I say open the damn case and give him what's inside.
Roger: Ow!
Tommy: Open it.
(451 KB)

Dr. Morris: We are I.R.S. agents. We do not pack.
Lisa: Well, do something, for goodness sake! Threaten them with an audit.
(230 KB)

Roger: You have tangled with the wrong fellow, fellow.
(Morris growls)
Michael: Okay, enough.
(153 KB)

Tommy: My toe theory applies to people's appetites, too.
Heather: Oh, leave him alone! I mean, who do you think you are that you can just come in here and boss us around? I mean, what's your problem, anyway?
Michael: Oh, Heather.
(231 KB)

Heather: And what about you? You ever whack anybody with that gun?
Cyrus: Excuse me?
Heather: You know, whack somebody. Off 'em. Ice 'em. Did - you - ever -kill - anyone?
(228 KB)

Roger: Why didn't I think of this before? (dialing) 9... 1... 1.
(cellphone beeps)
Heather: Hello. We're underground.
(234 KB)

Lisa: Do you have any idea what's going on up there?
Dr. Morris: No. Not in the slightest.
(109 KB)

(sound of Michael knocking Cyrus out)
Dr. Morris: Ooh. That had to hurt.
(113 KB)

Tommy: Now if by some strange turn of events you don't die tonight, you're really going to have to show me how you got out of those cuffs.
Michael: Oh, that's nothing. Wait til you see the bullets bounce off my chest.
(218 KB)

Lisa: Poor Mr. Newman. They just must be beating him to death.
Dr. Morris: I don't even want to think about it.
(153 KB)

Michael: They wanted you to have these.
(sound of all three guns being slid across floor)
Dr. Morris: Thank you.
(289 KB)

Michael: I just want you to know that it wasn't me who scuffed up your floors upstairs.
(96 KB)

Lisa: And what about you, Mr. Newman? What are you thankful for? (beat) Mr. Newman?
Michael: I'm... thankful the doc's sitting over there.
(330 KB)

~ Episode Synopsis ~ Episode Review ~ E-mail Me ~ Back to Index ~