Episode 11: "Fire and Ice"

Written by: Ted Humphrey
Directed by: Vincent Misiano
Episode Number: 111
Original Broadcast Date: January 7, 2000
Guest Stars: Ellen Bethea (Dr. Rivers), Jean Debaer (Robin), Christine Jones (Melanie), Peter McRobbie (Dr. Prescott), Peter Rini (Bill), Dahlia Salem (Miss Avalone)

Dr. Morris: And as for turning into a popsicle... your heart rate and blood pressure are normal. All your vital signs are good.
Michael: Yeah, well, my vital signs don't feel good. My vital signs feel like they're part of a tv dinner.
(308 KB)

Heather: Well, do you mind if we continue this discussion in the morning?
Lisa: What?! You have a problem with your mother standing in your bedroom watching you sleep?
(295 KB)

Dr. Morris: (chuckling) Not a mark on you. Good as new. Damn, I'm good.
(119 KB)

Michael: I'm starting to feel like a leg of lamb. Strike that. I always feel like a leg of lamb. You wouldn't happen to have a leg of lamb on you, would you?
(236 KB)

Michael: Flirting with a block of ice while I flambé in here? How fair is that? Now let me out.
Dr. Morris: No.
Michael: Yes.
Dr. Morris: No.
Michael: Yes!
Dr. Morris: No.
(150 KB)

Michael: You're just trying to figure a way to make a move on Dr. Doctor out there. And you know what? If I may say so, for a guy who I always thought was a really smooth operator, when it comes to chatting up the ladies... you suck like a Hoover, Doc.
Dr. Morris: Excuse me?
Michael: You heard me. You have the conversational skills of a monk.
(399 KB)

Dr. Morris: Oh really? And who made you the expert on all things conversational?
Michael: I'm an insurance man. I could sell holes to a doughnut.
(117 KB)

Dr. Rivers: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dr. Morris: You're not alone there.
(130 KB)

Dr. Morris: That's the great paradox, isn't it, Mr. Wiseman? To keep you young and healthy, we must deny you the things you believe make life worth living.
Michael: Took the words right out of my appetite, Doc.
(276 KB)

Michael: I told you what to say word-for-word. You were helpless without me.
Dr. Morris: Helpless? I don't think so. When it comes to talking - conversation - the business of stringing words together - I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anybody who would describe me as helpless.
Michael: Well, maybe most of the time. But admit it, Doc. When you look at that woman, your brain coagulates. If I hadn't have been there to help you out, you would have drowned in your own drool.
Dr. Morris: I think not, Mr. Wiseman.
(645 KB)

Heather: What are you doing in there?
Lisa: What am I doing in here? It's a bathroom, Heather. I'm betting with a little bit of thought, you can crack this mystery.
(218 KB)

(both screaming)
Heather: Mom! What have you done? You've mutilated yourself!
Lisa: What are you talking about? I didn't pierce anything. I colored my hair. Women do it all the time.
Heather: Yeah, but it's not your color. It's mine.
(416 KB)

Lisa: But could I borrow your color for a while?
Heather: Only if I can dye mine blue.
Lisa: Ooh! You really are treading on thin ice.
(222 KB)

Dr. Morris: I was wondering if coffee you'd like to get perhaps?
Dr. Rivers: Excuse me?
Dr. Morris: No, no. I was wondering, if you... walked with me, wanted and coffee get it. Excuse me.
(runs over and grabs earpiece)
Dr. Morris: Mr. Wiseman?
Michael: Ask something me want to you?
(523 KB)

Michael: Tell her you want to hold the baby.
Dr. Morris: No, I don't think so.
(92 KB)

Michael: I'm telling you. Hold out your arms and say, "May I?"
Dr. Morris: No.
Michael: Why not?
Dr. Morris: It's a baby... it's small... and leaky.
(270 KB)

Michael: I see. So I can help you, tell you what to say to your lady friend and that's okay.
Dr. Morris: You know the rules.
Michael: When you need a favor from me I'm right there--
Dr. Morris: Mr. Wiseman...
Michael: --but when I say to you, "tell me the freaking date..."
Dr. Morris: It's not the same thing.
Michael: Why?!
Dr. Morris: Because you're dead - and dead men don't have anniversaries because dead men don't have wives. They have widows.
(421 KB)

Dr. Morris: I'm going to step outside for moment and make a phone call. Be in the gym when I get back.
Michael: Do yourself a favor, Doc. When you come back, don't be whistling.
(217 KB)

Lisa: It's Lisa. Lisa Schlegarmilch.
(100 KB)

Michael: Well, aren't we smug?
Dr. Morris: What can I say?
Michael: Three weeks ago, not very much.
Dr. Morris: Well, it isn't three weeks ago.
(162 KB)

Michael: Ooh, what was that? Confidence? My, my, my, it must be going pretty well with Dr. Rivers, huh?
Dr. Morris: It's going wonderfully with Dr. Rivers, thank you.
Michael: Isn't that nice?
Dr. Morris: Hmm.
Michael: I bet the two of you just chat up a storm.
Dr. Morris: Something like that.
Michael: Words just roll out of your mouth?
Dr. Morris: Trip off my tongue.
Michael: Hmm, that's great. That's wonderful. I'm happy for you.
Dr. Morris: Hmm.
Michael: Bastard.
(507 KB)

Dr. Morris: Mr. Wiseman, I need to step out of the lab for a moment. I'm going to shut off the monitor and remove my earpiece.
Michael: It's her, isn't it? You traitor. And to think I lost my head over you.
Dr. Morris: Dear, dear. I think I feel a monsoon coming on.
(360 KB)

Dr. Morris: Mr. Wiseman?
Michael: Don't bother me now. I'm trying to round up two of every species.
(91 KB)

Michael: "And I know you're supposed to go back to him today, the 12th."
Dr. Morris: I know you're supposed to go back to him today, the 12th.
Dr. Rivers: What are you talking about? Today's the 17th.
Michael: It is? That means today's my anniversary. Wow.
(363 KB)

Michael: Now, this is tricky, Doc, so follow carefully. Take your arm and gently place it around her waist.
Dr. Morris: Oh, shut up.
(180 KB)

Dr. Morris: Happy anniversary, Mr. Wiseman. Happy anniversary.
(147 KB)

~ Episode Synopsis ~ Episode Review ~ E-mail Me ~ Back to Index ~