Episode 13: "I Am the Greatest"

Written by: Michael Angeli
Directed by: Vincent Misiano
Episode Number: 113
Original Broadcast Date: January 28, 2000
Guest Stars: Jamey Sheridan (Ben), Charles Malik Whitfield (Jones/Foster), Faith Prince (Janet), Mary Catherine Martin (Carla), Teddy Coluca (Red)

Michael: I just... I need to know. Is she... cable-ready?
Dr. Morris: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Wiseman, but it's only temporary.
Michael: You're really an evil man.
Dr. Morris: You're making me blush.
(395 K)

Michael: Another me?
Dr. Morris: Perish the thought, Mr. Wiseman. Bio-molecular research. Gene vectors. Advances in nanotechnology. (chuckling) We've come a long way since the '80s. Think of it this way. PFC Foster was analog. You're digital.
(444 K)

Lisa: And at some point, I hope I can call your school and give them my work number 'cause God forbid there's an emergency and they have to get ahold of me and I'm not actually at home. I mean, I could check the answering machine but that's not the point, is it?
Heather: I think you've had enough coffee.
(330 K)

Michael: No. A tattoo? Well, that seals it. If he has a tattoo he couldn't possibly be a nice guy. Probably bites his nails, too. Can you bite through these nails? Hmm. You can. You think of everything, Doc.
(398 K)

Dr. Morris: I need DNA, Mr. Wiseman-- hair, blood, saliva, urine and that's where you come in.
Michael: Uh-huh. Tell me you don't have your heart set on the urine-sample thing.
(279 K)

Jones: A buck seventy-five? That's bitch weight. Didn't I see you in a Banana Republic ad?
Michael: Come on.
Jones: Get on out of here. Go back to your modeling job.
(197 K)

Lisa: Could you... write me a note so I don't have to go in tomorrow?
Heather: (laughing) No.
(181 K)

Jones: My ass's been kissed so many times I should have a Chapstik endorsement.
(70 K)

Dr. Morris: You like him, don't you?
Michael: Well... "like" is a little strong. It's not like I get to meet a lot of people in my present situation. Why? You worried I'm going to leave you for him?
(244 K)

Ben: What are you doing for dinner tomorrow night?
Lisa: Dinner? I'm sorry, did we skip something? Was I not paying attention somewhere?
(193 K)

Dr. Morris: No one will ever hear from him again.
Michael: Boy, I got to tell you, finding out that stuff like this goes on... if I wasn't dead, it would kill me.
(186 K)

Dr. Morris: I've got you on a tracking scope, Mr. Wiseman. Can you hear me?
Michael: I'm afraid so, Geppetto. Oops, can't talk now, Dad. My friends are here and you should see the cars they get to drive.
(200 K)

Dr. Morris: You're supposed to be the greatest living fighting machine in the world. What happened?
Michael: I'm thinking maybe the second greatest living fighting machine in the world sucker-punched me, Doc.
(217 K)

Michael: (groans) I guess I'm not going to be doing any Banana Republic ads for a while.
(60 K)

Lisa: I mean, how does somebody that famous go missing anywhere?
Jones: I know what you mean, lady. Seems unbelievable.
(173 K)

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